I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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