Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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