Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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