she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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