i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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