Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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