you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize