I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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