So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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