I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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