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I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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