Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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