I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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