you traded sex for a burrito?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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