i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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