I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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