1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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