3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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