Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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