So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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