put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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