I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I could fuck to npr.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize