I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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