I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize