So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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