i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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