I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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