i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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