after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to stop coming to work sober
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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