my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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