dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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