I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize