I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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