Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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