i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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