I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And then he peed in my hair
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