i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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