Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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