before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she smelled like a LAN party
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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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