My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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