im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I need moral support for this bender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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