she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
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I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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