Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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