sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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