so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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