you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You coming home soon, man?
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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