The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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