Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize