Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize