That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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